thoughts on thirteen years.

thirteen years ago, i was twelve years old. i woke up on september 11th and had an entirely average morning. i was wearing a dark grey tank top and flared jeans. i walked to school with my friends, it was a beautiful, sunny day.

i was in choir when my principal’s voice came over the intercom informing us there had been some sort of attack in new york city. i vividly remember the look of shock on my choir teacher’s face as she covered her mouth in horror at the news. she said her best friend lived in new york.

quite frankly, the rest of the day is a blur. i know i went to art class. and then our principal came to talk to my language arts class. i went to my friend ari’s house and i went to dance class. i sat with my parents and watched the president speak.

now i’m twenty five years old. i woke up this morning and went to an early yoga class. thoughts flicked through my brain as i tried to settle in and focus. i thought about my to do list. i thought about work. i thought about boys. i thought about my body, how it felt and how i feel about it. i thought about my plans for happy hour tonight. i thought about how my mom is retiring soon and maybe next time i visit we can do yoga together. i thought about how i should probably call my parents since i never got around to it last weekend.

i came home and walked my dog, showered, made coffee and ate breakfast. i checked the weather and got ready for work.

i started my morning commute, grabbing another coffee on the way. i got to work and put my lunch in the fridge getting ready to start the day.

only then did i take note of the date.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/11/laughter-after-911-david-letterman-jon-stewart_n_5803212.html?utm_hp_ref=comedy

sitting at my desk, reflecting on what the 9/11 attacks meant at the time and what they mean now, it struck me that i have a new found kinship with those thousands of men and women who became victims of terror that day. i got up and went to work. they got up and went to work, and they either never came home again or came home a profoundly changed individual.

i was a child thirteen years ago, and the events of that day were unfathomable. as an adult they still are. but the more we look back, the more we talk about it, and the more we can hopefully begin to understand.

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mindful consumption

i don’t think any culturally aware person would argue with the fact that we live in a consumerist society. at it’s core, capitalism is driven by the consumption of STUFF. i’ve learned that where and how you spend your money says a lot about what you as an individual value.

but i think we’ve all grown a little too obsessed with stuff. maybe it’s just that i read a lot of blogs, many of which are monetized and promote products, and include(sometimes weekly) run downs of favorite products, but i’m getting disillusioned with our need to buy the newest product and fill our lives with THINGS for every conceivable need. the newest such and such may make your life a little easier, but it doesn’t simplify it. it clutters your space, your mind and your life.

http://www.abeautifulmess.com/2014/08/make-your-own-media-cabinet.html

maybe it’s just because my budget is so tight that i’ve truly learned the difference between want because i would use it and need in order to function in the world.

i can’t deny the rush one gets from consuming–and i have the credit card debt to prove it. but through purposefully living with less, i’ve gained control over my life. i’ve begun to embrace quality over quantity. simple is beautiful. simple is meaningful.

lately i’ve been striving to live my life with intention and purpose; paring down the excess noise of distractions, letting mindfulness work itself into my consumption of stuff. for me, it’s another step on the path to a content life.

 

i stole this from tumblr.

1.Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend?

yeah no.

2.When did your last hug take place?

at november project!

3.Are you a jealous person?

i wouldn’t say i’m jealous over material things…but i don’t like to share people i feel like i have a claim on. *cough* boys *cough*

4.Are you tired right now?

surprisingly no, for the first time in a while. my sleep has gotten back on track and i started the morning with yoga and two cups of coffee.

5.Do you chew on your straws?

no.

6.Have you ever been called a tease?

i think so. did it bother me? no.

7.Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?

hell no.

8.Do you cry easily?

definitely.

9.What should you be doing right now?

writing a fake neighborhood newsletter for a lesson plan.

10.Are you a heavy sleeper?

not even remotely.

11.Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?

i definitely can, it’s usually the other person who goes nutso.

12.Are you mad at someone right now?

mad  isn’t the right word…still deeply hurt and upset. i work hard not to hole on to anger.

13.Do you believe in love?

yes…sometimes more than others.

14.What makes you laugh no matter what?

sitcoms.

15.Who was the last person you talked to?

the guy who came to my job center. he was pretty legit and his name was bobby brown which amused me.

16.Do you get butterflies around the person you like?

mhmmm

17.Will you get married?

hopefully.

18.When was the last time you smiled?

while i was reading over my lunch break.

19.Does anyone like you?

haha yes…maybe more than i like them.

20.Do you secretly like someone?

no…i think many guys in the periphery of my life are cute but i don’t like anyone per se.

21.Who was the first person you talked to today?

my yoga teacher…6 am baby!

22.Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

my sister.

23.What are you NOT looking forward to?

ummmm winter?

24.What ARE you looking forward to?

the weekend.

25.Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it?

yes.

26.Suppose you see your ex kissing another person what would you do?

well that pretty much already happened…the answer is get pissed, cry, complain to all my friends about it and move the fuck on.

27.Do you plan on moving out within the next year?

nope, i just moved and will hopefully stay in my new place for 2 years.

28.Are you a forgiving person?

i forgive passively very often…like for myself, i let go of resentments and forgive the person for hurting me. i rarely let people bnack into my life i’ve they’ve hurt me deeply.

29.How many TRUE friends do you have?

somewhere between 5 and 10 i would say…if i’ve learned anything it’s that friendship turn on a dime when they’re tested, even the ones you thought were the most deep and true.

30.Do you fall for people easily?

oh yes.

31.Have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend?

nope. made out with him…yep…had feelings, no way.

32.What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?

my waterbottle.

33.Who was the last person you drove with?

my sister and brother-in-law in their ridiculous rental car.

34.How late did you stay up last night and why?

i think around midnight–i was unpacking and cleaning up, then read like a page before falling asleep.

35.If you could move somewhere else, would you?

maybe, if all the details were magically taken care of. i dream about DC…

36.Who was the last person you took a picture of?

myself if that counts…if not, my friend Hillary.

37.Can you live a day without TV?

i haven’t had a tv in months.

38.When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?

probably when i didn’t get a promotion i applied for…it worked out in the end though.

39.Three names you go by…

Alice. Shmal, Smelly (yes my friends call me Smelly…it’s short for Smelly Cat…i really have no idea why).

40.Are you currently in a relationship?

nope

41.What is your all-time favorite romance movie?

something’s gotta give, it’s complicated, when harry met sally and under the tuscan sun.

42.Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?

i don’t believe in soul mates, i believe in finding a great person/partner with whom you are extraordinarily suited for an compatible with.

43.What’s your current problem?

not enough money.

44.Have you ever had your heart broken?

oh yes.

45.Your thoughts of long distance relationships?

challenging, but sometimes worth it. i’ve seen it work.

46.How many kids do you want to have?

at least one, then we’ll see.

47.Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them?

in high school, yes.